I am listening to choral music on youtube and squinting because I've not been able to shake off a wave of tired, tired, tiredness. I welcome this tiredness, though, because it's the tiredness of an inner silence, whereas for months it'd been the tiredness of mental exhaustion from a constantly roiling mind as well as a beat up body. Today I do feel pricklily sick, but I'm also blessedly, blessedly empty.
I've been through another round of another doctor. This one is obese and forward and last week was not encouraging, but today he was. There has been another thing on my list of potentially wayward body parts that has been checked off as 'just fine.' Better than fine, actually. He said, I couldn't have gotten better results if I'd cheated. I'm not sure how you cheat dizziness. But the important thing is that there IS a next thing on the list that I can fight and check.
A year and more will go by, I think. I got sick in the fall and then I had a mental breakdown, and I'm still sick, but at least my head is more on my shoulders (today). What a narrative this will be when it ever gets to the end.
I was reminded (it is entirely appropriate, seeing as who reminded me), that this last Monday was the equivalent of the Monday two years ago when S stopped me on my way toward the door on my way home and said, 'I have something for you.' 'For me?' '...If you want it...' and I incautiously agreed, and when I looked up he was holding out a diamond ring. He's the same man who always thanks me these days for being home at night when he gets off a 15 hour shift. It's pretty remarkable.
I just started crocheting a new afghan and I have someones in mind to give it to on their wedding day.
I've been through another round of another doctor. This one is obese and forward and last week was not encouraging, but today he was. There has been another thing on my list of potentially wayward body parts that has been checked off as 'just fine.' Better than fine, actually. He said, I couldn't have gotten better results if I'd cheated. I'm not sure how you cheat dizziness. But the important thing is that there IS a next thing on the list that I can fight and check.
A year and more will go by, I think. I got sick in the fall and then I had a mental breakdown, and I'm still sick, but at least my head is more on my shoulders (today). What a narrative this will be when it ever gets to the end.
I was reminded (it is entirely appropriate, seeing as who reminded me), that this last Monday was the equivalent of the Monday two years ago when S stopped me on my way toward the door on my way home and said, 'I have something for you.' 'For me?' '...If you want it...' and I incautiously agreed, and when I looked up he was holding out a diamond ring. He's the same man who always thanks me these days for being home at night when he gets off a 15 hour shift. It's pretty remarkable.
I just started crocheting a new afghan and I have someones in mind to give it to on their wedding day.
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