lucid

I make so much sense this morning. It's matter over mind.

I'm always doing this

This is a good morning because the cheerios I had for breakfast were REALLY GOOD.

This is a bad morning because I just heard a blurb on NPR about another round of layoffs at the corporation that built my hometown.

I'm checking to see if they balance.

reconstruction

Well, I think it's like this: if I didn't love you so damn much, I wouldn't have been so upset. And thank god the love you so damn much part hasn't gone away.

aftermath

I am not a delicate crier.

blank slate

I've always thought of myself as resilient, but I'm starting to wonder if my resilience isn't due to some strength of character and is rather just a by-product of my shiteous memory.

well frick.

my brother: charming
me: aggressively dull

math

This makes me jealous-- two of my roommates having a soulful (I'm assuming) conversation behind closed doors. This does not-- tonight, while I'm at orchestra rehearsal, a group of my coworkers is going out for Thai food and then seeing Twilight at the theater on campus.

Which actually adds up even less than I thought.

good morning

I love my dad and the way he insists that I let him chauffeur me to and from work when he's in town, and how on the way we talk about rust prevention and flat tires. Even though his cereal will be soggy by the time he's back. He says he likes it better that way.

finally

If you asked me what brought me the most joy today, I don't know, it could be either a woodwind section playing in tune or the spoonful of peanut butter and raisins I just ate.

droop

I'm good at sticking whole unspoken paragraphs into that last backward glance a person gives on their way out of a room.

I rationalized my way into driving to work this morning. I said, well, I feel the beginnings of a cold in my throat. And it may rain this afternoon. And now I can stop for groceries on the way home.
Check check check, they all make sense and they're all wrong.

only time

I have my reasons why I'm totally over Enya. It's unfortunate that my roommates are not.

My loyalties don't usually get in the way. But today they caused me to turn down an invitation to play at the Kennedy Center next month. How do you like that?

smooth

I spent today in post-Obama (peri-Obama?) D.C.
I wondered if I'd be able to see a difference. Well, it was sunny and warm all day, and last time I was in the city it poured, so maybe?

Friday afternoon

I don't usually get excited about sugar cookies. My sweet tooth is almost always secondary to my savory tooth. And sugar cookies? Everyone does sugar cookies. But when I'm given a plate of cookies, and they're in the shapes of the letters of my name, and they are accompanied by one hell of a hug from my very favorite evangelist, the cookies will be like a divine hand to my stomach. I've eaten them all except the R.

refresher course

"This is a world in which everything that comes to an end may be ending forever; it is well to complete every encounter with all the motions of grace, to give expression to every kindness, every gratitude, to make the clearest declaration of love. Better to give too readily than to keep back gifts for another meeting, when there is nothing certain even about tomorrow, and what is withheld now may wither away unused, divorced forever from the creature whose due it was and who had need of it."

-Edith Pargeter

deference

My morning was not starting off so well, because I was cold and clumsy, but I feel better now, because my path crossed with a fellow biker on my way to work, and we grinned and gave each other thumbs up--you would, too, on such a hard and chilly morning. Then, I got to work and there was an email waiting for me from a patron who referred to me as Dr Miller. Well hey.

I'm thinking

I bet it's our cat who's out there howling,
which reminds me of me, and the way
I waited til I was halfway home
before I started to swear.

And if I can't make you smile tomorrow
another chunk of my heart is going to
chip right off.

life

My consciousness is slowing me down this morning. Not my conscience. What I mean is, I keep getting knocked on my ass by the distracting and wonderful realization that it's ME controlling my hands and my feet and my mouth. It's just... it's wow... I am in charge of deciding whether or not to sprint on my bike through the yellow light or coast to a stop and wait. I can pick which tone to use when I'm saying good morning to my coworkers. I can make lunch plans. I can sit at my desk and solve a damn rubik's cube. Freaking wow. So you'll have to excuse me if you come across me examining my hands, doing nothing but watching my fingers move one at a time.

And so it is that the awareness that I'm capable of work! can sometimes get in the way of working itself.