acquiring sound

We had an early intervention assessment last week because the little dude is proving slow to talk. He's fine, though, really, and none of us have any hard worries [about that, anyway]. It's only been a week since he was pronounced borderline delayed, and already since then he's been trying his little darndest to figure out how to make his first (almost only) word--'cat'--have more of a rounded 'caaa' sound at the start instead of the 'taaa' it previously was. Man, he tries. And he's just started to fling these slightly husky 'mama's around, too. He'll point at me, smugly: 'mama.' I point back.

it is what it is

I noticed that I often start my emails with 'Yes--' even when if you read further on you will find that my answer is actually kind of 'no.'

Within four days this week I completed a 1000-piece and 500-piece puzzle all on my own, though the 1000-piece puzzle turned out to actually be a 999-piece puzzle so maybe that's why it came together so quickly. I do what my mom does and what her dad did and circle on the box where the missing piece should have been. 1 missing.

My husband is a super man and superman and we are again in a period of heads-down. The thing about that is we've done it before and just like last time I can't seem to resist feeling like it's all about me when in fact it's all about him. He works very very hard and sometimes all I do is fold laundry and sometimes not even that.

I wish I were raising my son more like a second child than a first child. It is really not fair to him that I don't know what I'm doing, and that my attention is laser focused even when it doesn't need to be and sometimes I totally overlook what I think in retrospect, oh I should have been noticing that. I am both showily permissive and showily anxious. I think if I had five kids I'd be less showy, anyway.

We are in debt, a lot of debt. Can you be in space debt? As well as time and money? I have a strong sense (a born optimism) that eventually we'll be ok. I'm very lucky to feel that way. Eventually there will come a shift back to national sanity. Eventually will come graduations and larger paychecks and hopefully enough savings for a house and a larger family. I can't plan for Eventually, though. I am stuck planning for this weekend (sleeping off a night shift, refreshing Twitter over and over, getting out of the house, groceries, diapers).

I keep saying, 'it is what it is.' This makes very little sense to me, but I don't really want to actually use the number of words it would take to say what exactly it is.

mirrors

Sometimes the most devastating part of raising a toddler is how
desperately
he
wants
to please me.

flabby mind

I have three half finished [cold] hot drinks and a sense of righteous anger on your behalf and a rubbery, uncalloused brain trying its hardest to multitask.

I have not yet had time to take a breath.

flight

I dreamed last night that an airplane fell from the sky and landed across my abdomen, heavy and cold.