not yet

I actually said aloud this morning, still lying on my back in my warm, soft, impractically tall bed: 'I want to go home.' I wasn't thinking.

I think this is a knee-jerk reaction to feeling

unrooted.

I scold myself for this. How selfish, to give over to feeling small and directionless. It's not fair, coming from a girl with a sweet life, with a fantastic family and just a pinch of the best kind of friends, with a loving man who fully intends to MARRY HER despite the seeming insanity/inanity of anyone wanting to commit to THAT.

It IS selfish. But I am (still) feeling so very This Is Not Right, Not Yet.

I think it's because I'm busily focusing on -and fearing- all the little roadblocks and pinpricks and thin times that will probably not BUT MAYBE stand between the here and now and the... Yet.