#2

Today is a day when I actually do feel like I'm going to get married. I mean that today the fact of marriage seems real, not that I've officially decided against running away into the night.
I think it has to do with being suddenly second in line as far as family weddings go. If it's real for my brother, well then! It's easier to feel real for me. I do tend to be more of a 'I'll let you go first.' Not humility, not selflessness, not generosity. Just, I slide into things well when there's already a groove in place. My elbows aren't quite sharp enough to get in there first. So today was mother-of-the-bride, sister-of-the-bride, finally feeling at ease with the idea of hiring a photographer, finally saying out loud 'sage green!' and 'persimmon!' And scouting out available gmail addresses for when I take on a new last name. I mean that!
I am so tired this evening. With the extra hour I get back still waiting for me, even! I slept so well last night, so, so, so well, but I think today was long enough to use up all of that last night's peace. It has been a good day. So very much a good one. But full of talking and thinking and adding up totals. I am looking forward to ending today and falling asleep on the theme of love.
Love like cracking pecans and hot applesauce and a rainbow of dresses and a dog saying please! I will clean your bowl!