I guess you hope you'll learn something when you leave and then come back. Might find something new on the highway or in your dreams on the first night home. I learned in a reaffirming way that I knew what I was doing when I chose the people I want to love. I learned that there is mitigating power in being Not Alone and maybe it's better that I wasn't able--wasn't willing--to give into temptation and burst into tears. I wanted to cry long, nonsensical sobs because I came and I left and because of the color of the sky and because of who I was when I was fifteen and the comforting hand on my leg and the symphony leaking out through it all but I didn't need to.
Beyond that I suppose I've learned again how to nibble around the edges and count down from 250 to 1 and how to lean on your shoulder in time to the beat and bless myself for my luck and do what I can, whatever I can, to get past and through the bewildering aspects of unconditional love.
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