but I haven't been running

I have a habit of disappearing. But lately I feel like my fits of flight have become more productive. I guess I have better places to end up and a few more loving arms to entice me back. I remember once I was distracted and upset and I found myself sitting at a rest stop off of the highway somewhere in PA and I put my car in park and buried my head in my hands. I have moments and I have whole days of stillness--yesterday was one--and at this time, I was having a day of stillness, too. I was stony for maybe ten minutes before I heard the clear sound of a single trumpet. When I looked around I saw a man sitting in the back of a truck forty feet away with a trumpet up to his mouth. He was playing scales and arpeggios and it was a cold afternoon and he was like crystal. I've always wondered why but at the time I accepted it as necessary. I could do that again--I could run away and have my only destination be a highway rest stop and selfish, lonely trumpet sound. But I haven't been running, and even when I do run, I already have a destination before I've left, and the destination is warm, and full of light. So this afternoon I feel like I've turned over a new leaf in my career as leaver, because I was restless and I started to feel the walls tightening around me and all I wanted was to run, so I did and I mean that literally--I mean I took off at a jog and it was a while before I came back. And that was only the first part, because later I got into my car and have ended up in an empty house up on a snowy hill with a dog and a cat and a guitar and it's really ok.