vestige

You're not the only one who's been seeing shadows of an alternate self. I have, too. For a whole afternoon the other day I could see myself sitting just where I was, but a little to the right. And I could read the thoughts crossing the me-shadow's face (I'm even more transparent in my head) and could tell that she was working hard to keep from balling her hands into fists and pounding them on her thighs. Caught a glimpse of the it-could-have-been me at a community band concert tonight, too. There would have been no one waiting for her in the audience, no voice saying 'I am so proud of you,' no witness to the neat collection of kudos and thanks that I always forget immediately when I'm alone. And she would have left quickly and shivered home, tried to keep her eyes open and wondered just how many more times of this she has left in her. It wasn't. I wasn't. I was full color instead of gray, and I was playing the music for specific souls out in the audience and I was uplifted and comforted and in company I saw practicing my repetitions of 'thank you!!' and 'you're welcome!' and 'I'm glad you enjoyed it' as less of a chore than I usually do. I was chauffeured home and curled up on my side in the passenger seat and halfway home I realized I'd lost her again--I'd banished the ghost of the it-could-have-been, and when I looked out the dark glass I could only see one reflection.