I am feeling quite taken-care-of these days, and listened-to and loved. I should say I always have been, because I have. But lately it seems stronger, somehow. My health is still somewhat of a blurry question mark, but I actually had a doctor call me at 8:00 last evening to answer my questions and give me recommendations. So I feel better today, as I always do after I talk to someone calm and knowledgeable, and after I have a new plan to try. I think, on the macro level, I'm getting back on my feet. And the things that are worrying me and keeping me up at night are being addressed.
Besides that, I really did have a wonderful week last one. I love LOVE my extended family. There are some aunts and cousins of mine that just hit the spot, you know? I have no problem making them a priority. We were in a nice little cabin, in a nice little state park, and the weather was hospitable. I did a -very- little bit of hiking/walking/swimming, and an even less bit of being incapable and I only cried about that a tiny bit. The majority of the week was spent sitting happily, around a picnic table or on a camp chair, with a jigsaw puzzle or a book or a fresh breeze, with delicious food from the grill, and card games and champagne and pie. I laughed a lot, I loved a lot, I wasn't ever alone and I liked it that way. There was a lot of greenery and bird song and comfort. We should do it again.
Back home on Friday in front of the derecho that has still stranded my in-laws without electricity. And back in the arms of the husband I had been craving and aching for. He's such a good one. Even when he's infuriating. Sometimes I find myself following him around the apartment like a needy cat, butting my head into his shoulder, asking to be petted. He does. I help him study for his summer classes, and he kisses me on top of my head and tells me that I am made of electric satin. Our love is very easy and fulfilling and I am so, so thankful for every little inch of him. Before I was married, even before I'd ever dated seriously, I had this vision of what being married could feel like, and I was right--it feels like security and a layer of invulnerability. It takes away my fear of the future, because I know that he'll be with me and we'll face it together. It makes me confident. He's the bubble wrap that surrounds me and protects my sharp edges from getting bruised, and that's a damn good thing.
Besides that, I really did have a wonderful week last one. I love LOVE my extended family. There are some aunts and cousins of mine that just hit the spot, you know? I have no problem making them a priority. We were in a nice little cabin, in a nice little state park, and the weather was hospitable. I did a -very- little bit of hiking/walking/swimming, and an even less bit of being incapable and I only cried about that a tiny bit. The majority of the week was spent sitting happily, around a picnic table or on a camp chair, with a jigsaw puzzle or a book or a fresh breeze, with delicious food from the grill, and card games and champagne and pie. I laughed a lot, I loved a lot, I wasn't ever alone and I liked it that way. There was a lot of greenery and bird song and comfort. We should do it again.
Back home on Friday in front of the derecho that has still stranded my in-laws without electricity. And back in the arms of the husband I had been craving and aching for. He's such a good one. Even when he's infuriating. Sometimes I find myself following him around the apartment like a needy cat, butting my head into his shoulder, asking to be petted. He does. I help him study for his summer classes, and he kisses me on top of my head and tells me that I am made of electric satin. Our love is very easy and fulfilling and I am so, so thankful for every little inch of him. Before I was married, even before I'd ever dated seriously, I had this vision of what being married could feel like, and I was right--it feels like security and a layer of invulnerability. It takes away my fear of the future, because I know that he'll be with me and we'll face it together. It makes me confident. He's the bubble wrap that surrounds me and protects my sharp edges from getting bruised, and that's a damn good thing.
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