I AM BOOBYTRAPPED

I think the only parts of my body that are not not working to snuff are my left leg and my hands (THANK YOU, LEFT LEG AND HANDS). Last week it was a bad pap smear result. This week it is a SERIOUSLY PAINFUL gammy hammy. I AM USELESS. I AM DRIPPING WITH MELODRAMA AND ASIDE FROM THE PAIN AND IMMOBILITY, I HAVE TO ADMIT, I'M ENJOYING THIS A LITTLE BIT. Really, sometimes I give into hysterics that I very well could curtail. NO, though, I WILL burst into tears and dramatically fling myself across the room (metaphorically. Literally, today I neither have the energy or the ability to move). I will NOT let common sense win. I WILL spend today yelling. This is all nucking futs.