paralysis

If you're wondering why I keep my shoulders turned, it is paralysis. It is a there-is-no-way-I-am-good-enough, there-is-no-way-I-am-what-you-need, I-can't-FIX-you stupor. And I do know, from experience, that the coward's frozen way out is Not Helpful, but if you're wondering why I keep freezing anyway, it's that this paralysis goes deep in me, comes from years of doing the wrong thing. So I've gotten myself into a rat's nest of
just
not
trying.