I slept well last night. I'm glad. I was worried there would be repercussions of a day of cheese curls and chocolate chip cookies. I fell asleep with my hand on S's arm, making sure he was still there, because once I dreamed I lost him.
I'm thinking this morning about the year I spent living in a tiny tiny room. I used to sit on a pillow on the floor and drink hard cider and tell stories to strangers on the internet. Once I went three days without seeing another human being, and ate a whole bag of frozen pierogis. That was just after one tide turned and just before I became my own wavemaker. Everything seems to build to everything else, doesn't it? Perhaps that's why the idea of my self as stagnant is so repellent, despite the fact that this is what my bones tell me to aim for. I am the one who craves order and schedule and the same, and I have the spirit that gets these things... and then feels trapped. Maybe this is why I very much want to grow a garden someday. This is apropos of nothing. I am just trying to put all of these years, including the next three, into perspective.
Today is bathroom scrubbing day. Today is laundry day and rigging things up in the spare room and it's the day my sibs are coming over for dinner.
I need to match things. I think it's because there are newlyweds one floor below me. It's 8:00 AM and I hear them.
I'm thinking this morning about the year I spent living in a tiny tiny room. I used to sit on a pillow on the floor and drink hard cider and tell stories to strangers on the internet. Once I went three days without seeing another human being, and ate a whole bag of frozen pierogis. That was just after one tide turned and just before I became my own wavemaker. Everything seems to build to everything else, doesn't it? Perhaps that's why the idea of my self as stagnant is so repellent, despite the fact that this is what my bones tell me to aim for. I am the one who craves order and schedule and the same, and I have the spirit that gets these things... and then feels trapped. Maybe this is why I very much want to grow a garden someday. This is apropos of nothing. I am just trying to put all of these years, including the next three, into perspective.
Today is bathroom scrubbing day. Today is laundry day and rigging things up in the spare room and it's the day my sibs are coming over for dinner.
I need to match things. I think it's because there are newlyweds one floor below me. It's 8:00 AM and I hear them.
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