I get a pleased and plump feeling when I discover a pattern about myself, a coherence between what I'd in the past just been brushing off as my random flailings.
My newest realization is that I need some time to feel overwhelmed and incapable of a new task before I get to it. This has happened over and over with all the wedding planning bustle. At the first mention of something like designing invitations, planning ceremony details, creating a gift registry, I'd clam up and feel completely incapable of producing something I like or ever measuring up to scratch. But the fun thing is that if I give myself plenty of time and lots of opportunity to google and ask questions and think through these tasks, well. I find myself always rising to the occasion. I don't think I'll ever be able to skip that interim step, though. The days or weeks of a buzzing sort of panic and feeling of I COULDN'T POSSIBLY seem a permanent part of me. And it's a shame for people like my mom and S who get front row seats to the 'I CAN'T DO THIS I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WANT' show. But I sort of like my warm-up period. And I like that it has an end.
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