snotty frenzy

I am 3/4 of a person. I am not referring in this case to the fact that I'm still fighting a losing battle against a head cold. I am not bouncing back and the deadline (brother's wedding this weekend) is looming ever closer. HEAL, DAMNIT. *sneeze*
But no, I'm saying that I am 3/4 of a person because... I'm sort of barebones. I am missing the flesh to fill out who I am and what I believe and what I want. I'm much more of a mooch than you'd suspect. I sponge up other's ideas and opinions because I don't know how to have my own. I flail around a lot just hoping to stumble by chance on the right thing to do and the way to do it. Most of the time I can make this work, but damn. Damn if I'm not whipping myself into an unneccesary (and very snotty) frenzy over this, over the fact that that I really am flying blind--I really don't KNOW what I want my own wedding or even my marriage to look like and I am not currently and will never be anywhere near as steady and self-assured as are my brother and his soon-wife. I would love to fill the final 1/4 of me with some of their inimitable capability.