The upshot to having a body intent on personal sabotage is the sense of survivorship I feel when I make it from one end of the day to the other. Screw you, collapsing muscles and airy head and hyperactive nervous system. I freaking lasted through your evening-long hissy fit, and I did NOT faint and I did NOT jump down off the stage and run away. I freaking lasted through a hot and horrid and loong orchestra dress rehearsal. Three cheers for not-dead-yet.
(To self: Please, please, let me carry the ability to squeak by on willpower over to tomorrow's performance. It will be my last, until I am myself again. So maybe, last ever (melodrama optional))
There is more of my blood in a lab somewhere as we speak and I am hoping hoping hoping that one of the new tests will be able to give me a whip with which to whale on my damn body til it behaves again. This is not ok, me. This has all been not ok.
(To self: Please, please, let me carry the ability to squeak by on willpower over to tomorrow's performance. It will be my last, until I am myself again. So maybe, last ever (melodrama optional))
There is more of my blood in a lab somewhere as we speak and I am hoping hoping hoping that one of the new tests will be able to give me a whip with which to whale on my damn body til it behaves again. This is not ok, me. This has all been not ok.
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