navel gazing

I think there are a lot of things I'm willing to work around in order to keep my sense of self in tact. I think I'm lazy (or, I say out loud: my goals are small), and I defend my laziness, my tiny plans, as high standards. I believe in personal and relational and communal contentment-care-coziness over almost everything else. I think I leave excitement and adventures on a small scale so they can be created anywhere and any day instead of planning for excitement and adventures in the macro. I don't know which is wiser. I think the bubble wrap of a husband bundled around me has changed the way I plan for things and the type of life I want to live, and I wonder sometimes what that says about me, and who I'd be if I were suddenly alone again. I think sometimes I use the idea of living simply as a crutch. I don't fault me for it. I am full of hurdles.