S has been perma-gone this week, and I won't see him today/tomorrow until at least 2:00am. I am awfully dependent on that wall of warm steel. I did get an hour of his time yesterday, and that was well placed, because I haven't been knocking on wood often enough, I guess, and I had a bad body day, just after starting to say things about doing better than last month. I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror for a heartbeat, and that's a sure way to tell how bad it is. On my good days I have a lot of spark in me and on the rough ones I'm pretty shellacked over. At the moment we're working under the assumption that I have a chronic bacterial infection, and if that is the case... it's still there. I can't quit, though. We're pretty stuck together, my body and me. Not to say that I haven't been happy, though, even in the face of alleged bacteria and a too busy husband. I have been. I've been listening to loud music in the car and taking long, curative baths, and I've been charmed by and deeply appreciative of some of the lovely people I work with, and have been reading books about witches, and as I mentioned, I had a lot of tacos this week, and Jimmy John's for lunch yesterday. I'm really not miserable. I'm actually really enjoying the things I can enjoy, and reveling in the good days. Oh god, the character growth. I think I'd be a whole lot more grateful for it if I were on the other side and not still in the middle.
No comments:
Post a Comment