Oh lord. I just keep avoiding.
Well, I had a crappy and beautiful and frustrating and exhausting and fantastic and grumpy and disappointing and lovely week and a half. The wedding in Indiana? I was very glad to be there, but getting there and back was inconvenient and I should totally know better by now than to announce that I'm feeling healthy, because right after I do, I get punched back, so yes, no, the wave of good feeling did not last and I did end up feeling achy, sticky, and tragic most of the weekend. The good news is (other than the wedding and the family) that I pulled it off, despite the clamor of my skull. I've settled into a half comforting, half soul killing pattern over the last few months of feeling good for a handful of days, and then having a setback of three or four days wherein the gerbils in my head come roaring back. I am gearing up for another round of appointments. But that's neither here nor there (well, actually, at the moment, it's very much here)... as I said, I managed the weekend well. I even managed well the fact that S and I got home at 5:00 am on Monday and left for North Carolina three hours later. I counted up, and I've spent about 54 hours in the car in the last two weeks. If that's an exaggeration, it's not by much, and it's only because I have no math skills. As they have done in the past the skull gerbils only lasted a few days, and so by Wednesday life was wonderful. S and I had a very us-affirming few days at the beach. We entertained and were entertained by his family, but mostly it was just him and me, swimming in the ocean, walking on the beach, swimming in the beach house pool (it is almost too much), eating rich food, sneaking beers from his mom's stash in the basement fridge. Oh, and the hot tub. Yeah. I definitely had a few moments or maybe a few days during which I felt completely completely well and like me. I was me. We laughed a lot. I did not wear a bra even once, and my nose and cheeks freckled, and everything tasted like salt. We came back home on Friday, with just enough turnaround time to do a bunch of laundry, sleep a night in our own beds, and play a gig (him, not me), before hopping back on the road to take a pointless trip up to Maryland. It wasn't supposed to be pointless. There were six of us, and three of us (NOT me) were to compete in a badass race early Sunday morning. So we were up there and ready Saturday evening, filling up on carbs, putting the finishing touches on team shirts, going to bed early at the hotel, but then we were woken up before dawn by notifications that the race had been flooded out and was cancelled. Not a whole let else to do at 5:00 am in a hotel in Maryland when the race is off. So we watched Bruce Almighty and then came back south. Stopped at a Perkins for breakfast. Were home and napping by noon. As disappointed as I was on S's behalf, I was glad to be home sooner than anticipated. I could feel my tides rolling back. I wonder if it was the stress. According to my calculations, I might be feeling decent again by Thursday. Or I might not, because I have not been going easy on me so far this week. I've set a new compromised-state-April record (out of stubbornness, not real readiness) in that I've walked a total of 15 miles in the past two days. It's fall. The air really should have curative effects, shouldn't it?
Well, I had a crappy and beautiful and frustrating and exhausting and fantastic and grumpy and disappointing and lovely week and a half. The wedding in Indiana? I was very glad to be there, but getting there and back was inconvenient and I should totally know better by now than to announce that I'm feeling healthy, because right after I do, I get punched back, so yes, no, the wave of good feeling did not last and I did end up feeling achy, sticky, and tragic most of the weekend. The good news is (other than the wedding and the family) that I pulled it off, despite the clamor of my skull. I've settled into a half comforting, half soul killing pattern over the last few months of feeling good for a handful of days, and then having a setback of three or four days wherein the gerbils in my head come roaring back. I am gearing up for another round of appointments. But that's neither here nor there (well, actually, at the moment, it's very much here)... as I said, I managed the weekend well. I even managed well the fact that S and I got home at 5:00 am on Monday and left for North Carolina three hours later. I counted up, and I've spent about 54 hours in the car in the last two weeks. If that's an exaggeration, it's not by much, and it's only because I have no math skills. As they have done in the past the skull gerbils only lasted a few days, and so by Wednesday life was wonderful. S and I had a very us-affirming few days at the beach. We entertained and were entertained by his family, but mostly it was just him and me, swimming in the ocean, walking on the beach, swimming in the beach house pool (it is almost too much), eating rich food, sneaking beers from his mom's stash in the basement fridge. Oh, and the hot tub. Yeah. I definitely had a few moments or maybe a few days during which I felt completely completely well and like me. I was me. We laughed a lot. I did not wear a bra even once, and my nose and cheeks freckled, and everything tasted like salt. We came back home on Friday, with just enough turnaround time to do a bunch of laundry, sleep a night in our own beds, and play a gig (him, not me), before hopping back on the road to take a pointless trip up to Maryland. It wasn't supposed to be pointless. There were six of us, and three of us (NOT me) were to compete in a badass race early Sunday morning. So we were up there and ready Saturday evening, filling up on carbs, putting the finishing touches on team shirts, going to bed early at the hotel, but then we were woken up before dawn by notifications that the race had been flooded out and was cancelled. Not a whole let else to do at 5:00 am in a hotel in Maryland when the race is off. So we watched Bruce Almighty and then came back south. Stopped at a Perkins for breakfast. Were home and napping by noon. As disappointed as I was on S's behalf, I was glad to be home sooner than anticipated. I could feel my tides rolling back. I wonder if it was the stress. According to my calculations, I might be feeling decent again by Thursday. Or I might not, because I have not been going easy on me so far this week. I've set a new compromised-state-April record (out of stubbornness, not real readiness) in that I've walked a total of 15 miles in the past two days. It's fall. The air really should have curative effects, shouldn't it?
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