I could be

I'm feeling myself pulling like the hook side of velcro away from the other half--my fluffy, fuzzy old habits. It is always astonishing to me how much change I am capable of undergoing. I think we all see ourselves as made of granite. Immutable. Oh, but this is not true. For me, it is not true. I have a habit of looking back at a year ago, paging through the long-winded, sometimes obsessively detailed journals I keep privately. This week I read about March of '10 and I am astounded with the way my mind was even a year ago so different from the present. Astounded by how much tighter then I was clinging to the fuzzy size of the velcro. I love--I LOVE--differently this year. I am bolder, I think, and I am quicker to jump to my feet. In a year I am another belt notch, my reach has extended, my fingers are whole. A year ago was at the very start of the Cancer that ran ragged through the heart of my family, before I accepted a new sister, before a summer's worth of traveling and secret telling and falling deeper in love made me agree to give away the rest of my life to the tall man with the devilish eyebrows. I am far from immutable. I am built on a slope. What do I take from this? Oh, danger. Danger in that I might trip and just too easily roll down and back. Danger in that, what is another year going to create of me? I think I am trending well, but I am always a little unsure. I could be...