it is what it is

I noticed that I often start my emails with 'Yes--' even when if you read further on you will find that my answer is actually kind of 'no.'

Within four days this week I completed a 1000-piece and 500-piece puzzle all on my own, though the 1000-piece puzzle turned out to actually be a 999-piece puzzle so maybe that's why it came together so quickly. I do what my mom does and what her dad did and circle on the box where the missing piece should have been. 1 missing.

My husband is a super man and superman and we are again in a period of heads-down. The thing about that is we've done it before and just like last time I can't seem to resist feeling like it's all about me when in fact it's all about him. He works very very hard and sometimes all I do is fold laundry and sometimes not even that.

I wish I were raising my son more like a second child than a first child. It is really not fair to him that I don't know what I'm doing, and that my attention is laser focused even when it doesn't need to be and sometimes I totally overlook what I think in retrospect, oh I should have been noticing that. I am both showily permissive and showily anxious. I think if I had five kids I'd be less showy, anyway.

We are in debt, a lot of debt. Can you be in space debt? As well as time and money? I have a strong sense (a born optimism) that eventually we'll be ok. I'm very lucky to feel that way. Eventually there will come a shift back to national sanity. Eventually will come graduations and larger paychecks and hopefully enough savings for a house and a larger family. I can't plan for Eventually, though. I am stuck planning for this weekend (sleeping off a night shift, refreshing Twitter over and over, getting out of the house, groceries, diapers).

I keep saying, 'it is what it is.' This makes very little sense to me, but I don't really want to actually use the number of words it would take to say what exactly it is.