helpless

Sometimes I get overwhelmed by the thought of what it must be like to be in your first few months of life. Locked in a tiny body that can't properly express and can't properly contain nascent emotions and needs. If a baby is in pain, lonely, cold, hot, overwhelmed, hungry, wet, tired, all they can do is scream and hope someone (some dumbass amateur parent, who is just as new to this as they are) hears, can guess the problem, and is willing to help. It's horrible to be stuck in a state of discomfort and to not know that it will ever end. Hungry and unsure if you'll ever be NOT hungry again. Even minor inconveniences would be almost unbearable when you have no ability to problem solve on your own steam. What if my baby has an itch somewhere?? I'd never know. I think it's good that memory doesn't start sticking for a few years. I think it's a good thing M won't remember how miserable he is every time he gets stuck on his side against the wall of the crib and can't kick his way back to comfort. Ow, my heart.