marrying

I fell asleep last night somewhere around #29 when trying to count the number of weddings I've been to, and I woke up preoccupied with what you're supposed to do when you don't have trust in one or the other. I decided maybe the best thing is to just be a sociologist.

I bet I could grade some of the weddings with levels of belief/confidence/doom. I will self-congratulatingly put mine and S's on the very upper end of the confidence scale, because I got it right, got lucky. But not everyone does.

I do a lot of thinking about this. My best friend and I spent last evening in the hammock trying to figure it all out.

Marriage ain't no joke, and though I firmly, firmly believe that it should be an option for any and everyone, I firmly, firmly believe that getting married as a knee-jerk next step, or out of fear, or out of impulse, is asking for a life of major struggles. Not necessarily ensuring struggles, but oh, definitely leaving yourself vulnerable to them. I've SEEN it already in some of my peers, and I'm even apparently a product of it, as I've recently learned some absolutely chilling things about one of my own great-grandfathers and the way he terrorized and lessened the lives of my great-grandmother and all 12 of his children. They shouldn't have gotten married.

I doubt that any of the several dozen weddings I've been to will result/have resulted in that kind of visible misery, but, dude, I know that there is some subcutaneous misery, and a few have already ended in divorce, and I even know of some couples where divorce should happen but won't.

Years later I vividly remember the worst, most pessimistically fluorescent wedding I've ever been to, and I hope I never have to watch something like that again, and I guess what I'm saying is, ahhhh. People. This is serious and you don't have to. This summer is full of weddings for me, and I have my husband right there reminding me of our own every day, and I guess I just get in a loop sometimes.