true enough

I am not implying that I often don't mean what I say, but sometimes I'd like some way of emphasizing the fact that I really do. Sometimes I mean --oh, from time to time-- when I say 'I'm thinking of you' and sometimes I mean --you're the only thing I'm capable of concentrating on today. And sometimes I say 'you're amazing' and I mean --well done!-- and other times I mean --woah. There was one time when I said 'see ya!' and it sounded casual, but I meant --I ALWAYS DO.

I would never say it in so many words.



The most uncomplicated part of my week was the ten minutes with the six-month old baby bouncing on my lap.

Or maybe the Greek food + Irish beer + no need to settle in; I'm already there.

optimism

I don't know why this would be different than the last dozen attempts, but

today I'm going to stop biting and picking at my nails.

blues

Yesterday I thought I had become invisible for thirty seconds or so, and that's good, because it flung up a plastic fence between already-in-trouble and a-whole-lot-worse.

Today someone brought me coffee in bed, which helped me find the energy to get out of it. It is a snow day, and I am mad at the gods of weather. I had no weapons in my arsenal to protest the late-winter snow other than sleep.

If I feel like it, I could scrape off my car and drive to the post office. I have a package I want to mail. But I'm already a week past due, so what's another day, or two days, or seven.

I have been wondering what it says about me when someone close to me and another someone close to me can't stand each other. I guess I have nothing else to do but throw up my hands and leave one there and the other here.

I stayed up late last night talking myself through the next two weeks. It was less hypothetical than usual. But plans are already out the window, I think, because it's noon on a Monday and I've accomplished nothing. Not even a shower.

lucid

I make so much sense this morning. It's matter over mind.

I'm always doing this

This is a good morning because the cheerios I had for breakfast were REALLY GOOD.

This is a bad morning because I just heard a blurb on NPR about another round of layoffs at the corporation that built my hometown.

I'm checking to see if they balance.

reconstruction

Well, I think it's like this: if I didn't love you so damn much, I wouldn't have been so upset. And thank god the love you so damn much part hasn't gone away.

aftermath

I am not a delicate crier.

blank slate

I've always thought of myself as resilient, but I'm starting to wonder if my resilience isn't due to some strength of character and is rather just a by-product of my shiteous memory.

well frick.

my brother: charming
me: aggressively dull

math

This makes me jealous-- two of my roommates having a soulful (I'm assuming) conversation behind closed doors. This does not-- tonight, while I'm at orchestra rehearsal, a group of my coworkers is going out for Thai food and then seeing Twilight at the theater on campus.

Which actually adds up even less than I thought.